Vive ama Rí

ReflexionarÚltimamente estiven pensando moito e crecendo poético co meu fillo sobre a vida, a crianza, o traballo, as relacións, etc. A vida chégalle por etapas e estás obrigado a tomar decisións que nunca quixeches.

Etapa 1: matrimonio

Hai uns 8 anos foi o meu divorcio. Tiven que descubrir se podía ou non ser pai de "fin de semana" ou solteiro. Escollín este último porque non podería vivir sen os meus fillos.

Durante o divorcio, tiven que descubrir que tipo de home ía ser. ¿Ía ser un ex marido enfadado que arrastrou ao seu ex dentro e fóra do xulgado, falou mal aos seus fillos ou ía tomar a bendición de ter aos meus fillos e coller a estrada alta. Creo que collín a estrada alta. Aínda falo coa miña ex-muller a miúdo e incluso rezo pola súa familia ás veces que sei que están loitando. A verdade é que leva moito menos enerxía deste xeito e os meus fillos están moito mellor.

Etapa 2: Traballo

No traballo, tamén tiven que tomar decisións. Deixei máis que algúns excelentes traballos na última década. Deixei un porque sabía que nunca ía ser o que o meu xefe quería que fose. Deixei outro recentemente porque non me cumpría persoalmente. Estou nun traballo fantástico agora Iso está desafiándome todos os días ... pero son realista de que probablemente tampouco estarei aquí dentro dunha década.

Non é que teña dúbidas, é que estou máis cómodo co meu "nicho" en mercadotecnia e tecnoloxía. Gústame moverse rapidamente no traballo. Cando as cousas diminúen e as empresas precisan esas habilidades que non me interesan, decátome de que é hora de seguir adiante (dentro ou fóra). Descubrín que cando traballo nos meus puntos fortes, son unha persoa moito máis feliz que cando me preocupo polos meus puntos débiles.

Etapa 3: Familia

Achégome aos 40 agora e cheguei a un momento da miña vida no que tamén teño que tomar decisións coas miñas relacións. No pasado, gastei moita enerxía en ter unha familia "orgullosa de min". En moitos aspectos, a súa opinión era máis importante que a miña. Co tempo, decateime de que medían o éxito moi diferente do que fixen nunca.

O meu éxito mídese pola felicidade dos meus fillos, a calidade e a cantidade de amizades sólidas, a miña rede de asociados, o respecto que obteño no traballo e os produtos e servizos que ofrezo todos os días. Pode notar que o título, a fama ou a fortuna non estaban alí. Non o foron e nunca o serán.

Como resultado, a miña decisión foi deixar atrás a xente que tenta arrastrarme cara abaixo en vez de levantarme. Respecto, amo e rezo por eles, pero non vou gastar enerxía en intentar facelos felices. Se non teño éxito na súa opinión, poden manter a súa opinión. Estou responsable da miña felicidade e deberían aceptar a súa responsabilidade.

Como pai, estou encantado de que sexan os meus fillos na actualidade e os amo incondicionalmente. As nosas conversas diarias versan sobre o que conseguiron facer, non sobre os seus fracasos. Dito isto, son duro cos meus fillos se non están á altura do seu potencial.

As notas da miña filla baixaron significativamente a semana pasada. Creo que a maioría foi que a súa vida social cobrara máis importancia que o traballo escolar. Non obstante, doulle pena cando obtivo as notas. Chorou todo o día porque normalmente é estudante de A / B. Non era o decepcionado que estaba, o decepcionado que estaba.

A Katie encántalle dirixir na clase e odia estar no fondo. Fixemos algúns cambios: sen amigos visitantes durante a noite e sen maquillaxe. O maquillaxe foi difícil ... Realmente pensei que me ía queimar buracos cos ollos. Dentro da semana, con todo, as súas notas comezaron a volver. Xa non me está queimando buratos e ata se riu de min o outro día no coche.

É un acto duro, pero estou facendo o posible por acentuar o positivo e non o negativo. Estou tratando de dirixilos cara ao fermoso mar, non sempre recordándolles a tormenta que hai detrás.

A medida que os meus fillos se senten cómodos co que son, eu gosto máis de quen se están facendo. Sorpréndenme todos os días. Teño fillos incribles ... pero non teño ningunha idea errónea de quen "creo que deben ser" ou "como deben actuar". Iso é para que o descubran. Se están felices consigo mesmos, a súa dirección na vida e comigo ... entón estou feliz por eles. A mellor forma de ensinalos é mostrándolles como estou actuando. Buda dixo: "Quen me ve ve o meu ensino". Non podería estar máis de acordo.

Etapa 4: Alegría

Lembro un comentario hai un tempo de bo "amigo virtual", William quen preguntou: "Por que os cristiáns sempre temos que identificarnos?". Nunca respondín á pregunta porque tiña que pensar moito niso. Tiña razón. Moitos cristiáns anuncian quen son cunha actitude "máis santa que ti". William ten todo o dereito de desafiar á xente ao respecto. Se te poñas nun pedestal, prepárate para responder por que estás alí.

Quero que a xente saiba que son cristián, non porque sexa quen son, senón porque espero ser un día. Necesito axuda coa miña vida. Quero ser unha persoa amable. Quero que os meus amigos me recoñezan como un que se preocupou, puxo un sorriso ou lles inspirou a facer algo diferente coa súa vida. Mentres estou no traballo traballando cun vendedor teimudo ou cun erro que estou resolvendo en círculos, é doado esquecer o panorama xeral e pronunciar unhas palabras. É doado para min enfadarme coa xente da empresa que me está pasando mal.

A miña (limitada) visión das ensinanzas nas que creo dime que esas persoas desa outra empresa probablemente están a traballar duro, teñen retos que intentan superar e merecen a miña paciencia e respecto. Se che digo que son cristián, ábreme as críticas cando son hipócrita. A miúdo son hipócrita (con demasiada frecuencia), así que non dubide en facerme saber que non son bo cristián, aínda que non teñas as mesmas crenzas ca min.

Se consigo descubrir a etapa 4, deixarei deste mundo unha persoa moi, moi feliz. Sei que experimentarei unha verdadeira alegría ... Vin ese tipo de alegría noutras persoas e quero para min. A miña fe dime que isto é algo que Deus quere eu ter. Sei que é algo que hai que tomar, pero é difícil rexeitar malos hábitos e cambiar o noso corazón. Non obstante, seguirei traballando niso.

Espero que esta non fose unha publicación demasiado alegre para ti. Necesitaba desafogarme un pouco sobre os problemas familiares e escribir axúdame moito. Quizais tamén che axude!

13 Comentarios

  1. 1

    GREAT post! And I love knowing that I’m not the only parent that punishes by taking away the makeup. My daughter thinks eyeliner is her best friend. It’s amazing how quickly she “gets it” when she’s not allowed to have it. 🙂

    • 2

      Eyeliner is the father-of-a-13-year-old’s enemy. 🙂

      I think make-up is a slippery slope. I’ve never been a fan of a lot of make-up and my theory is that women use more and more because they get desensitized to how beautiful they really are. So… if you’re 13, you wind up looking like a Picasso by the time you’re 30.

      With a make-up break, I’m hoping Katie can see how beautiful she is and then use less later.

      • 3

        I agree. Although my daughter’s eyeliner skills came in very handy tonight as I was getting ready for the Heartland Film Festival Crystal Heart Awards gala. She proclaimed that I was “doing it wrong” and proceeded to very tastefully make up my eyes. Yeah, I’m not a big fan of makeup, mostly b/c I don’t like spending the time on it. Many women that put it on with a trowel should stop b/c they are actually very beautiful underneath. You’re a good father for trying to teach your daughter what beauty really is.

  2. 4

    Wow, what a post Doug! I really like your attitude.

    You know, there’s a great overlap between Christianity and Islam when it comes to family and social values. A lot of what you said you believe in exemplify many of Islam’s teachings. It’s funny that sometimes non-Mulsims like you do a better job of demonstrating Islamic values than some Muslims themeselves.

    So for this, I salute you! Keep up the positive attitude. You’re a great blogger, and you sure as hell sound like a hell of a dad.

    • 5

      Thanks AL,

      It’s funny you say that. I have read the Qur’an and have some friends that are Islamic. Every time we get together we find so much in common between our religions. Thanks for your compliments as well – I don’t think I’m as a good a parent as I could be, but I am trying!

  3. 6

    Sorry to say it, but this post has me debating whether to unsubscribe or not – for a few reasons:

    1. This is a blog about marketing (or that is my impression). While it’s fine to add personality and fine to mention your beliefs, a long post about religion turned me off.

    Don’t get me wrong; religion is fine and I respect your beliefs. But religion is personal, and I don’t really think it has a place on a business blog. If I wanted to read about religion, I’d subscribe to blogs with religious views.

    2. Writing about a teenage girl crying all day over bad grades makes me feel sick to my stomach. The kid isn’t disappointed, she’s most likely scared of your reaction!

    3. Writing about punishing a kid for bad grades after she cried all day (which isn’t really a normal teenage girl reaction) makes me feel even sicker. Punish someone when they’ve done something wrong and don’t regret it, sure. But when someone has made a bad choice, realized it, learned from it and is ready to do better next time, leave it at that. Let the girl build confidence. Let her do better because she wants to – not because she’s scared of punishment.

    I respect that you may or may not agree with me. I just thought you might like to know why this blog post missed the mark completely with me.

    • 7

      Ola James,

      Thanks for taking the time to write. If you feel compelled to unsubscribe, I’d be sorry to see you go but I’m okay with that. This is not a corporate blog, it’s a personal one. As such, I advise my readers on my craft but I’m also transparent in relaying my beliefs with my readers.

      Over time, I’ve become great friends with readers of my blog – mostly in part to the fact that I share both my work and my life with my readers. I do; however, keep my personal posts in my “Homefront” category so that you can avoid reading them if you’d like.

      I respect your opinion on what happened with my daughter as well. My daughter isn’t locked up anywhere :), she has quite a setup… cell phone, mp3 player, computer, television, etc. so she’s hardly ‘punished’ although taking away makeup was what gave her a hard time. I can guarantee you that she is not afraid of me. She may get upset if she thinks she disappointed me, but I’ve never given Katie a reason to be ‘scared’.

      I’m not so sure, at 13, I should have ever allowed her to put on makeup but she’s a good girl with good grades and a great attitude – so I try to give her the freedom she wants. When she shows me she can handle it, I never put boundaries on her. If you’re a parent, you know how difficult these situations are.

      I hope you stick around and get to know me! There’s good info on this blog and I love to share what I learn in the industry.

      Cheers,
      Doug

  4. 8

    Fair enough, Doug. I have a business blog as well with a category called “Personal Ramblings” for the same kind of stuff. The site’s layout and coverage so far had given me the impression it was a strictly business blog.

    I find myself in a very odd position on the Internet. I’m Canadian, and our culture tends to be far more quiet about religion than our American neighbors, many of which who tend to be quite extremist (in my opinion, and I’m not saying you’re extremist). I respect people’s beliefs and have my own as well, I just don’t like being force-fed.

    Unfortunately, that extremism has left me very wary of being bible-thumped, and my radar for the incoming thumping seems to be set on high sensitivity. So if I won’t get thumped here, I’ll stick around. Fair deal?

    As for daughters… It’s good to hear that you recognize teens need that freedom, and thanks for clearing that up. I firmly believe the tighter the leash, the more trouble parents set themselves up for. I also don’t “get” parents who wield a heavy hand with their kids. It just isn’t the answer.

    And…Got a 14-year-old and a toddler myself, so I can relate to the challenges of parenting and the power of makeup.

    Thanks again for your response. I had a bit (okay a lot) of a knee-jerk reaction to the post, so to share a little about me so you don’t think I’m a complete ass, read up on my post about knee-jerk reactions.

    • 9

      We Americans like to shove everything in everyone’s face – war, wealth, technology, music, religion… you name it and we’re proud of how bad we mess it up! When one of us is sincere, it’s difficult to take us serious.

      I lived in Vancouver for 6 years, graduating from High School there. In fact, my Mom’s side of the family are all Canadian. My grandfather is a retired officer from the Canadian forces. I’m a huge fan of Canada and can still sing the anthem (in English, I forgot the French version). My mother is Quebecois, born and raised in Montreal.

      I joke with my high school buddies that America couldn’t ask for a better toque than Canada!

      Thanks for your thoughtful response… I never took it that way at all.

  5. 10
  6. 12

¿Que pensas?

Este sitio usa Akismet para reducir o spam. Aprende a procesar os teus datos de comentarios.